Can I Trust God With My Children?

Can I Trust God With My Children?

Hey Friends,

Over the weekend, my family and I took family photos. It was only afterward I began to realize how much time has passed by since the last time we took them. We went through the normal hustle and bustle of making sure that everyone’s hair was properly in place, clothes were neatly ironed, and everyone was in high spirits to smile when the camera flashed.

While waiting for the photographer, I reflected back on how many times we’ve gone through this same process. Ultimately, it was the same process. Being a mom, I was in control of almost everything; hairstyles, outfits, poses, etc.

Now in 2019, this time was different. Now, the kids are older so they can make their own decisions. I can honestly say, that was the most difficult part for me; letting go of control.

For most of our kid’s lives, parents are in control of most of what our kids do (for their safety of course). What they eat. What they drink. What they wear (because it always looks so cute). What time they go to bed. Who their friends are. Even the kind of toys they play with. Where they go. But as they get older, those decisions become less about what we want and more about what they want.

Letting go of control is hard. My oldest will be thirteen this year and I’m afraid for her every day. I’ve made so many decisions for her, I’m afraid that she will have a hard time making the right decisions for herself. She is growing up in a world that is influenced by what everyone else is doing. She has unlimited access to information at her fingertips. She is book smart, but not street smart and that fear of her being taken advantage of is overwhelming at times.

I talk to God about this all of the time. He knows that I struggle with letting go and trusting Him with her completely. Like any other parent, I don’t want my kids to struggle. But I also have to remember that they to have to go through the fire to be refined and forged in order to become who God wants them to be. I’m also afraid that I won’t be able to handle whatever they go through in life. Selfish, right? I know, but it’s how I feel.

One day, they’ll get their heart broken if it hasn’t happened already. One day they’ll face a challenge and have no idea how to handle it. I pray that through my dedication to the Lord, they will follow suit and want to grow closer to him as well. I’m afraid that some of my decisions have damaged them for good. I’m afraid that some of my poor decisions have scarred them life. But I rest in the knowledge that God knows how to fix it. So although I’m afraid, I trust that God will see us through as a family and remove that fear. For it says in His Word:

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. -2 Timothy 1:7

God has been so good to me, to us. He has gotten us through some pretty rough times. He has proven to us over and over again that He will not leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). My kids may not see it, but one day they will.

The point that I am trying to make today is that I can no longer control my children. WE can no longer control our children. If we do, we will push them further away. I want my kids to spread their wings while keeping a close eye on them; watch them without them knowing I’m watching. 🙂

Right now, I am preparing my kids for the world. Teaching them the love that Christ Jesus has for us and being as honest as I can about the questions they have for this life. The rest is in God’s hand because He loves them way more than I ever could (and that says a lot because the love that I have for my kids is unconditional). So can you imagine how much He loves them?

He pulled me from the pits of hell. So what more could He do for them?

Father, I am choosing and committing right now to trust you with my children. You love them unconditionally and will do what is in their best interest. Father, you see the whole picture, not just what’s in front of You, like us mere mortals. Thank You, Father, for Your grace, love, mercy, and the gift of righteousness that will save them from the enemies lies. I love You with all of my mind, heart, and soul. Amen.

Here is our family photo from this weekend

“For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” -Romans‬ ‭5:6-8‬ ‭

 

 

Funny Friday: Mr. and Mrs. Forgetful

Funny Friday: Mr. and Mrs. Forgetful

Happy Friday Friends!

What a week!! It’s been exciting to say the least. My sister-in-law has moved into town from Texas and I’m really excited about it. She is such an amazing person and I can’t wait to get to know her better.

I haven’t done a Funny Friday in a while because I’ve been so busy with God’s calling for my life; my family and my ministry. My church has blessed me with the oppurtunity to lead a small group called Freedom In Christ for Women Small Group. Have you guys heard of the Freedom In Christ ministry by Neil Anderson?

Click on this link, Freedom In Christ, to learn more about it. I will talk it more about another day, but for now let’s get to the funny of the day.

Mr. and Mrs. Forgetful

There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they dont forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. “You might want to write it down,” she said. The husband said, “No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream.” She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. “Write it down,” she told him, and again he said, “No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice crem with whipped cream.” Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. “Write it down,” she told her husband and again he said, “No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top.” So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 mintues. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate fof eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, “Where’s the toast?”

I pray that you guys had a wonderful week. Please remember to pray for one another.

In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. -Khalil Gibran

 

 

Do I Lack Compassion?

Do I Lack Compassion?

Hey Friends,

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about compassion and how much I’ve lacked it over the years. I mean, in my opinion, I haven’t been an extremely judgemental person, but I have had moments where I would hear a rumor and “shake my head” at it, thinking to myself how much of a shame it is. I’ve been known to share rumors that we’re shared with me, shamefully. I’ve even gone as far as saying things like, “Well I would never…” or “They should have done…” or “Here’s what you did wrong”.

But then, when it came down to my own tragic moments, I would crawl in a little ball, afraid to share my story in fear that people would do the same to me what I have done to others; shame them. Essentially, projecting how I feel onto people, assuming they will share the same guilty, shameful feelings that I have about myself.

Through my journey, what I’m finding out is, God has a way of humbling us through our trials and tribulations. He gives us a choice. It is a wonderful gift of grace and mercy that He extends through the love of Jesus.

Anyone who chooses to do the will of God will find out whether my teaching comes from God or whether I speak on my own. -John 7:16
I’ve also found out that during my seasons of suffering, God shows me so much compassion (more than I deserve), therefore, I am able to show other’s more compassion when I learn that they have been through similar situations as I. See, if God isn’t expecting perfection from us, why are expecting it from other people?
I think God does this so we can love each other better. In Colossians 3:12, He states that “as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
Compassion is the key to truly loving one another through faults and flaws. We may not agree with each other’s decisions, but having compassion for one another through the difficult times will not only allow your heart to heal through your own darkness, but it will give God so much glory and honor. It will allow us to focus less on ourselves so we can extend the same amount of grace to other’s that God extends to us when our hearts feel like they have been through the garbage disposal a few times.
Usually, when we are busy pointing out the wrongs in other people, we are really pointing out what is wrong within ourselves. Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience are all acts that every human being would love to receive, but sometimes it’s so hard to give, especially when we’ve been hurt. But let’s all ask God to help us draw nearer to Him so we can show each other what He shows us without question or expectation.
Today, because of what I’ve gone through, especially in the past four years or so, I have more compassion for people, but I still have a long way to go. There are many times where I am convicted by the Holy Spirit because of something I have said or done to show that God is still working on me.
So I would like to pray for you and me; that God will no longer allow us to approach life with broken hearts, disappointments, cautious, and cynical attitudes. But instead soften our hearts so that we can be more compassionate, tender, grace-giving, and loving towards one another. I want to thank God for always meeting us right where we are in our brokenness, while not expecting more than we can give at the moment, but still loving us with His beautiful grace, love, and mercy. Thank you, God. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Holy Spirit.
Thank you for reading my thoughts today. I pray you are having a wonderful humpday. Please remember to pray for one another.
“Just as breaking bread with another hungry human feeds our bodies with nourishment; breaking secrecy with another hurting human feeds our souls with compassion.” -Lysa Terkeurst, It’s Not Suppose To Be This Way

Why You Should Get Yourself A Mentor

Why You Should Get Yourself A Mentor

Hey Friends,

The past few days, I’ve been struggling with mental illness stuff. Nothing too dramatic, just everyday life situations. Things that I happen to go through, I remember other people being judged for the same things when I was growing up. So, it makes me want to “suffer in silence” because I want to avoid the same judgment and gossip. It’s usually the reason why most people suffer in silence; they are afraid of what other people may say, especially by our loved ones. Personally, this is why I’ve been such a “private” person. Although, I am fortunate enough to not just have a spiritual mentor who isn’t family, but also mentors who happen to be family.

But, why should you get yourself a mentor? It’s nice to be able to talk to someone about what we are going through without being judged. This is why I love having a spiritual mother or mentor to turn to when I feel like the battle of life is just becoming too much. She is more invested in my spiritual walk than anything else. So if I call her complaining about my marriage, for instance, she is there is give me advice from a godly perspective versus a bias one. I know that I can call her ten times in the same week about the same issue and she will help me discern the voice of God. She rarely adds her own personal opinion, which I wouldn’t mind because she has a very kind spirit. It also helps that she has had a very successful marriage herself.

When I tell her something I’ve done wrong, I’m not met by a finger shake in my face. I’m met with the same kindness that Jesus would show me if he were standing right in front of me. She is able to do all of these things because she is a woman after God’s own heart. She has lived long enough to grow so close to God, that she is able to pour the same love that He has given her, into other people, like me.

She is not doing it in her own strength and not by her own will, but God’s alone. God sent her to me because He knew I needed her. We both didn’t seek each other out. It was literally a miracle from God.

Not only is she able to pour into me when I need it, but I am able to pour into her. No judgments. No expectations. Just God. Peace. Love. Faith. All from Him. It’s nice. I always used to tell her that if she knew the real me, she wouldn’t want to deal with me. She would tell me that it didn’t matter because I am anew in Christ Jesus and that is who she sees.

People who judge us that love us can be heart-wrenching because it may come across as them not caring about your situation, just about what we’re doing wrong. They have a preconceived notion about us because of our past mistakes, so when we make another one, they incidentally assume we are the same person now than we were in the past.

But when we become new in Christ, the old life is left behind and we have a new perspective on how to handle certain circumstances in our lives. Those who know about our “old self” may not or will not understand. Say, for instance, you’ve been a drug addict for most of your adult life. You’ve been known to steal and destroy in order to support your habit. But now, you’re clean and free from drugs and a completely different person. Well, when you come to family dinners, your aunt still hides her purse from you and someone continues to bring up the old stories from when you would disappear on drug binges.

I kind of feel like that with mental illness. When people find out I have a mental illness, every decision I make comes into question. The decision that I make compared to the decision they “would’ve” made is talked about and speculated. That’s why it’s nice to have someone give us advice from a godly perspective on our life’s circumstances. People will have the best intentions to show concern, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

So, why did I type all of this out? Are you confused by anything that I’ve been rambling on about? Well, I will simply say…

Family and friends will always try to look out for you the best way they can, but get yourself a spiritual mother/father or mentor who will have an unbiased opinion about you and your life through God’s perspective. Family and friends will have your back, but their delivery may not come out the best way. It’s not their fault. We are all broken and doing the best we can. But to avoid hurt feelings, you won’t have to face any criticism or judgments that may come from well-intentioned people in your life if it’s coming from someone discerning the voice of God. On top of that, you will feel the Lord’s love pouring into you each time.

Thank you for reading my thoughts today. I pray you are having a wonderful start to your week. Please remember to pray to one another.

Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.” -Ephesians 4: 21-24

What Are Gods Truths About Us?

What Are Gods Truths About Us?

Hello Friends,

There are many days that we can get stuck in our heads and believe what Satan says about us. When Satan tells us lies, in order to convince us, he’ll put his thoughts in “I” statements so it could seem like they are our thoughts and not his.

I want to share with you the truth about who YOU are in Christ. Let’s not give the enemy more credit than he deserves. So, whenever we have thoughts, such as, “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not deserving of…”, “I’m a terrible person because…”, “I’m never going to have…” I want us to say the following instead:

God is love; God’s love is in me (1 John 4:8) 

Gods love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8)

God has placed within me a pure heart, and my motives and attitudes are made acceptable in His sight. Jesus Christ is Lord of my life (Ezekiel 36:26)

I do not have a care (1 Peter 5:7)

The Lord is my shepard – I do not want (Psalm 23:1)

My God supplies all my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19)

Every sin, sickness, sorrow, grief, pain, and poverty was laid on Jesus. Therefore, I am free from them (Isaiah 53:4-5)

I know my God; in Him I am strong, and I do exploits in His name (Daniel 11:32)

I trust in the Lord with all of my heart, and I do not lean on my own understanding. In all my ways I acknowledge Him, and He shall direct my paths (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13)

God is my refuge and my strength, a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1)

I am more than a conqueror through Him that loved me (Romans 8:37)

I let the peace of God rule in my heart and I refuse to worry about anything (Colossians 3:15)

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me (Psalm 138:8)

I am filled with the knowledge of the Lord’s will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding (Colossians 1:9)

I have to put off the old man and have put on the new man, which is renewed in the knowledge after the image of Him that created me. (Colossians 3:10)

The peace of God which passes all understanding keeps my heart and my mind through Christ Jesus. I will think of things which are good, pure, perfect, lovely, and good report (Philippians 4:7-8)

I will not let the Word of God depart from before my eyes for it is life to me; I have found it and it is health and healing to all my flesh. (Proverbs 4:21-22)

I am delivered from the evils of this present world for it is the will of God (Galatians 1:4)

I am an overcomer. I overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony. (Revelation 12:11)

I am submitted to God, and the devil flees from me because I resist him in the name of Jesus (James 4:7)

The Bible is the Living Word. It is and will always be consistent and relevant to the obstacles that we face in our lives. In order for Jesus to die for our sins, he had to overcome the same temptations that we experience today by believing who he was to God, the Son of God. The same power that rose Jesus from the dead lives inside of us every moment of every day.

Life may seem impossible. It may seem like you are experiencing it all by yourself. It may even seem like God is just like the very same people who disappoint you on a daily basis. None of that is true. Whenever you feel that way, acknowledge that feelings can be deceiving. Compare your feelings to the Living Word because Gods truth is the only truth.

Thank you for reading Gods thoughts today. I pray you all are having a blessed week and please remember to pray for one another.

February Monthly Theme: What Is Real Love?

February Monthly Theme: What Is Real Love?

Good Day Friends,

Valentines Day is coming up and most of us are preparing to share this special day with our loved one. As you may know, Valentines Day is one of the most expensive “holidays” celebrated in our culture. Even my own husband decided to spoil me with a new wedding ring to celebrate all that we have overcome these past few years in our marriage.

img_3180

Some people with equate love with today’s corporate America’s idea of what love is, but that couldn’t be furthest from the truth. People will spend thousands of dollars to make their loved ones happy with expensive jewelry, trips, shopping sprees, candy, flowers, etc.

I’m here to tell you, marriage itself is hard and it’s not what is portrayed on television or social media. You may experience loving moments, but a marriage relationship itself takes a lot of dedication, work, and a constant renewing of your mind as your marriage evolves in good and bad ways.

I truly believe that if most people knew beforehand how hard it is, many people wouldn’t go through with it. Divorce rates would be lower because when couples go through the rough times, they are prepared because it’s expected.

Society gives a false representation of marriage. You see it all over social media with hashtags about how a marriage should be. You’ll see a picture of a couple with matching outfits, big bright smiles at their perfect expensive wedding, bragging about how they never fight or how life is so grand. You may even see someone bragging about how their wife/husband bought them a brand new diamond ring with their birthstone on the sides *cough, cough*.

img_3180

Even the royal wedding seemed absolutely perfect.

What people don’t tell you is when you get married, it is very likely that you and your spouse are bringing some pretty heavy baggage with them; addiction, fear, shame, guilt, selfishness, heartbreak, childhood pain, and so on. This is unintentional of course. Most of the time, we are unaware that we are bringing that much baggage into our marriage. We think, “oh, I’ve gotten over my abuse” or “I’ve moved past being cheated on in my last relationship.” But then, we are triggered, thus causing a chain reaction of fights, slander, and separations.

For me, mental illness is under very large umbrella of baggage I’ve allowed myself to bring into my relationship with my husband. There are things that I thought I have “moved past” or “gotten over”, but has reared it’s ugly head during a manic episode. My husband knew that I struggled with mental illness, but the poor guy had no idea how much of a struggle it was and how much I’ve allowed it to control certain aspects of my life.

When my husband and I attended a marriage seminar back in April of last year, our instructor asked: “what percentage do you feel you would need to put into your relationship to make it work?” Every couple had the same answer; 50/50. Make sense right? Apparently, we were all wrong. The actual answer is 100/100.

Meaning, there are times when your spouse would have to put in 100% when you are unable to put in 0%. And there are times when you’ll have to put in 100% when your spouse is unable to put in 0%. And then, there are those moments when both of us are able to put in 100%. That is when things are absolutely great.

I believe when relationships fail, it’s because people feel like they are giving more than their spouse. And when they feel like they’re giving more, then they want to give less. And when their spouse sees’s that they’re giving less, then the spouse gives less, until both people are giving 0%, thus giving up completely.

There was a time that I wanted to break up because I was convinced that my husband would get fed up with dealing with my mental illness and leave me. I was giving maybe 20% effort into my marriage because giving my all was too scary.  But my husband continued to give 100%. He never gave up on me. He never stopped loving me. He was convinced that I would move past my insecurity and believe him when he said he would never leave me. If he would have given me what I was giving him, we would be divorced by now, but he didn’t. And I love him so much more for it.

There was also a time where my husband wasn’t able to give as much as he wanted to emotionally due to his past issues, but I continued to pray for him. I prayed to God that he would soften my husband’s heart and to help him to move past his issues and forgive those who trespassed against him. It was my unconditional love and willingness to give 100% when he was able to give 0%, that continues to make our marriage stronger than ever.

This is what God wants for us in our marriages; to love each other past the good times. Unconditional love means loving someone when they are unlovable, praying for someone even if they aren’t praying for you, and trusting God that He will pull you through the hard times of marriage because there is nothing we can do to avoid them.

Like Paul said in Roman 5:1-11, problems and trials build endurance, which builds strength of character which leads to hope of salvation. We are living in a broken, fallen world and one of the hard parts of living in such a broken world is not believing the lies that Satan try to feed us every minute of every day. One of those lies is that God cannot save your marriage. When God can fix anything. All you have to do is ask and be patient.

Marriage is a gift from God that should be taken seriously. It’s not something you can choose to walk away from because it doesn’t fit what YOU had planned. It is a contract that you are making with someone else and with God. I didn’t know that during my first marriage. I didn’t like what my first husband was doing, so I kicked him to the curb like he was a cheap suit.

Don’t do what I did. If you are thinking about getting married or currently married and going through a rough time, I would advise you to put God first in your marriage, and the rest will fall into place.

My husband and I have gone through some pretty rough times, but the good times make it all worth it. He and I are willing to sacrifice to conform to each other’s needs while accepting what we can’t change. Will we continue to make mistakes? Of course. Will we have another fight? Maybe, but having God in the center and loving each other as Jesus loves us will allow is to last til death do us part. This is love.

img_3186

I love you guys and thank you, thank you, thank you for reading this extremely long post. I tried to cut it down, but I couldn’t. So smooches to each one of you who had enough patience to read all of it. I pray that each one of you is having a great start to your week and please remember to pray for one another.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. -1 Corinthians 13: 4-7,13

Additional Scripture about Marriage and Relationships

Genesis 1:27-28: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’ ”

Malachi 2:14-15: “But you say, ‘Why does he not?’ Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”

Isaiah 54:5: “For your Maker is your husband, the LORD of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.”

Song of Solomon 8:6-7: “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.”

Ephesians 4:2-3: “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

Colossians 3:14: “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?”

Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.”

Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Ecclesiastes 4:12: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Mark 10:9: “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Ephesians 5:25-33: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, …”

Hebrews 10:24-25: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Proverbs 30:18-19: “There are three things that amaze me—no, four things that I don’t understand: how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman.”

1 John 4:12: “No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”

Proverbs 31:10: “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”

Ruth 1:16-17: “Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, And your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, And there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, If anything but death parts you and me.”

Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

1 Peter 4:8: “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.”

Ephesians 5:21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Genesis 2:18–25: “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ … So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.”

1 Peter 3:7: “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”

It Takes A Village

It Takes A Village

Hey Friends,

I’ve been through some pretty difficult challenges in life, but one challenge that outweighs the rest of them all is parenting 👶🏽👶🏽👶🏽. There, I said it. Parenting is by far the most difficult task that has been assigned to me. Now before you judge me, just think about why people say “it takes a village to raise a child”. Well, what would it take to raise three or four or ten?

Being a stay at mom requires patience, diligence, Gods love (not human), and being able to multitask at any given moment. You have to be able to hold your composer when you want to yell and scream 🗣and throw a tantrum yourself when your kid wants to act a darn fool out in public. You have moms faking it for social media trying to make it look so easy, but it’s not. I think moms try so desperately to make it look easy because they don’t want to be judged by society. If we were to admit that sometimes we think about running away and never looking back, society would “clutch their pearls” and gasp for air in awe, like, “how dare she? 👀 Children are the most precious things in the world. I would never think such a thing.” Yea, well, most people who think that have never had to stop a three-year-old from throwing a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store almost every time they went shopping or better yet, never had children of their own.

Yes, children are precious and I would give my life for mine, but that doesn’t mean that sometimes I’m not tempted to rip their heads off every once in a while for the frustrating, nail-biting, angering things that they do as children.

I knew this one lady. She was the epidemy of a perfect mother. She was patient and kind to her children. She even made baby food from real fruits and vegetables. Sometimes I don’t even have the energy to make real vegetables and fruits for dinner for my whole family. Anyway, her house was always nice and clean and her children were so well behaved. Until….I found out that she and her six children were all taking over the recommended dose of Adderall (a drug to treat ADHD). No wonder she had the energy to get things done! Everybody in the family was drugged up. My only point being is everything isn’t always what it seems. And she was heavily addicted to drugs to help her raise her family.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Yes! Kids can drive you to drugs and alcohol if you’re not too careful. People like to assume that loving your kids will make you make the right decisions for them. Love will make you become patient and kind. Love will conquer all the feelings of fear and frustration that comes along with parenting. I am here to tell you that is not the case. Only Gods love for us can do those things. We need support and guidance from other moms who have been down the same road. We need a shoulder to cry on when those days come when we just want to run. We need help!

I judge myself all of the time as a parent. I want to do this right and that right. I want to make them happy, but discipline them so they become responsible adults. I want to love them unconditionally, but also let them know that I am not their friend, but their mom. Lately, I feel like I’ve been screwing up on all of it. I’ve allowed other people to get into my head to fuel those feelings of insecurities and inadequacy. My love for them just never feels like enough because of the things that I struggle with within me. I’m a bad mother…so I thought.

Then I have to remember. Who made me? God did. Who made my children? God did (with a little hanky panky). Who gave me my specific children? God did. Who trusts me with them? God does. Gods opinion of me is the only one that matter and if someone’s else’s opinion of me doesn’t match Gods opinion of me, then that is their problem, not mine. I’m learning to parent everyday that I wake up. I know what God says about me, therefore I know what He says about them.

He says I’m more than a conqueror through Christ Jesus. I am an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony. And I know there is nothing that one one can ever say to me that can separate me from His love. And He says the same things about you and your children.

God also says in His word that children are a gift and that He is will get us through everything that we go through, including raising children. So I want to tell you that if you are a parent and you are feeling overwhelmed, please know that you are not alone. I’m sure you are doing the best you can with what you have. Of course, if you feel yourself getting angry to the point where you want to beat or shake your kid(s), please seek help. Go see your pediatrician and they should provide help for you. Otherwise, look in your area to see where the nearest emergency nursery is. It’s an organization that provides free childcare for parents who need a couple of hours to themselves to clear their heads.

This parenting thing is hard work and it definitely didn’t come with an instructional manual. I don’t care how many baby books you’ve read, each child is different so something that worked for one child may not work for your child.

Thank you for reading my thoughts today. I pray if you are having a rough day, that God shines His light brighter than usually during your moment of darkness. I pray you are able to sit at His feet, even if you have a screaming toddler sitting at yours. I pray that you are able to see your children as God sees you, worth more than all of the riches in heaven and on earth. I love you all and please remember to pray for one another, especially us parents ☝🏽🙂

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. -Hebrews 12:11

Funny Friday

Funny Friday

Good Morning Friends,

This week has been uneventful, but draining at the same time. My mentor called me the other day to check to see if I have been experiencing any spiritual attacks from the enemy. At the time, everything was ok. See, last weekend, I shared my testimony with a group of people who are interested in walking in freedom with Jesus. They want to leave their old baggage behind and start their new life in Jesus (Ephesians 2:4-7) knowing who they are in Jesus; loved, adored, and free from the enemies lies.

Well, a couple of weeks leading up to giving my testimony, I was being attacked in all areas of my life, but I did was God requests of me, which is lean on Him and trust that “this too shall pass”. And it did. I gave my testimony and a lot of people became free. The Holy Spirit came and moved a lot of people to freedom. It was such a beautiful thing to witness.

So, when my mentor reached out to me, I thought, “Hmmm…I got this one in the bag. I’m not being attacked. I got a handle on this.” I was so wrong. I was being attacked, I just hadn’t realized it yet. First, it started with old hurt by family members. Then, I began to uncontrollably worry about my children. Then, my marriage, my household, and finally depression and anxiety. What is one to do when it feels like the whole world is against you? Stand still in the presence of the Lord. You want to know why? Because the whole world is against you! Satan is the god of this world (2 Corinthians 4:4) and he is out to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10). I know his goal is to use my circumstances to draw me away from God, even hate him, but I’m over those days of allowing the enemy to take my joy.

Bad days will happen. I know this. I also know everyone will not always be in agreement with me on certain topics or decisions I make in my life, but this is my life. God has trusted me with it. We are far from perfect creatures, but Gods love is so sufficient, that it can literally get us through any and every season of our lives.

Recently, I’ve spoken to a lot of believers who feel the heavy weight of the burdens of the world on their shoulders and if this is you, I’m here to tell you that it is not your burden to bear. It’s literally the reason why Jesus died for us on this cross. To free us from shame, guilt, rejection, abandonment, etc. so we can experience the full righteousness of God by His grace, mercy, and love. Praise be to the Lamb! In the near future, I want to begin talking about how powerful Gods love is and how, during good and bad times, we need to tap into that love to get us through, but for now, please pray for me that I am able to have the energy and stamina to do such a task.

For now, I will shut down my soapbox and introduce you to today’s Funny Friday. We all need laughter, some more than others and I pray whoever is reading this, that it is able to put a smile on your face. Enjoy, beloveds and please remember to pray for one another. Thank you for reading my thoughts. I pray they bless someone today. In Jesus’ wonderful, all mighty name. Amen.

The Pastor, The Boy Scout, and The Wall Street Analyst

The pastor, the boy scout, and a brilliant wall street hedge fund manager were all flying in a small plane together. In flight, the plane developed catastrophic mechanical issues, so the pilot went to the three passengers and announced that the plane was going down. Unfortunately, he added, “There are only three parachutes, even though there are four of us on board. I should have one of the parachutes because I have a wife and three small children.” So he promptly took one and jumped.

The Wall Street analyst said, “I should get a parachute because I’m one of the smartest men in the world, and the world needs me.” So he took one and jumped. 

The pastor and the Boy Scout looked at each other. Then the pastor volunteered, “I know the Lord. I’m not afraid to die. You’re young and have your whole life ahead of you. You take the remaining parachute and I’ll go down with the plane.”

The Boy Scout smiled and said, “No worries, Pastor. One of the smartest men in the world just put on my backpack and jumped out!”

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. -2 Corinthians 12:9

New Life

Hey Friends,

For about 8 months now, I’ve noticed that I have begun giving less life into the mental and physical diagnosis. By giving life, I mean, I’ve stopped giving it so much attention. I thought I was spreading awareness by blogging about it day and night and making new Instagram and facebook post. But at some post, I had to not only bring awareness but bring solutions.

When you go into a doctors office and you are diagnosed with an illness that you’ve never heard of before, your next question is, “now what? What do I do next?” You’ve become aware of the illness, so how do you deal with it? What treatments are available to your recovery?

As a society, it is my opinion that we give too much life to bad situations that we are dealing with in our lives. Yes, we want people to know. Yes, we want them to be aware that there is an epidemic. We may even want empathy and compassion. But what about the people who are going through it themselves? I like to call them the “middle man”. The middle man is aware of the problem because they are dealing with it. But what do they do next?

I was following this young girls page on Instagram. She struggles with a few mental disorders. I couldn’t help but feel that she was attention seeking because her page was dedicated to bringing awareness to mental illness, but she never offered any solutions. She would post when she felt suicidal. She would post about all of the different therapy sessions she had to attend, but then there was one post that let me know that she had no intention of dedicating her life to getting better (from my perspective, anyway).

When I first started following her, I thought she was a middle man. That was a mistake.

When I would offer her encouraging words and advice on ways to live a happy life with mental illness, she immediately became offended. Here’s my theory on why:

Some people are addicted to their misery. Some people are addicted to the attention that they receive from their struggle. Some people are addicted to being the victim. So, we continue to give life to those struggles. We then create a non-stop cycle that becomes impossible to remove ourselves from.

I was in that cycle at one point. I had to learn to stop giving life to those situations and give life to solutions. For me, Jesus was THE solution for the illness’ I faced, amoungst ones that my therapist would suggest; taking a walk, eating healthier, plays games with my children, etc. Whenever I felt bad or became manic, He received more and more of my attention. I began giving life to His Word in my life.

We have the capability of manifesting the good and bad things that happen. I believe this is why negative people are always negative. I know someone who has nothing but negative things to talk about, every time I talk to her. No matter what is going on, good or bad, she’ll see the negative perspective; melancholy personality type.

If you find yourself in this cycle it will be hard to get out of, but it is possible. This is why Jesus says he is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. He is the way through your struggle. He is the truth through the enemies lies. He is the life that your heart desires.

Thank you for reading my thoughts today. May God bless you and please remember to pray for one another.

Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” -John 14:6

Who Taught You How To F***ing Drive?

Who Taught You How To F***ing Drive?

“For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” -Galatians 5:14

Hey Friends,

As a Christian, I’ve heard, read, and said this scripture a million times it seems. I’ve even “preached it” to those I’ve felt were being mean to me, but I don’t think it that, until this morning, I’ve actually meditated it. I don’t think I’ve actually looked at it from Jesus’ perspective. Maybe it’s because I am older and I now understand the true ramifications of not loving each other the way Jesus loves us.

I’ll give an example I’m sure we all could relate to; road rage. How frustrating right? I will admit, I have flipped the bird at someone a few times in my life. I’ve cursed and screamed out of the window, “Watch where the f*** you’re going!” or how about “Who taught you how to f***ing drive!”

Afterward, I would feel that rage coursing through my veins. I would be upset even after I arrived at my destination. Sometimes, I would even think about what I could have said to piss them off, even more, to let them know how upset I really was at their inability to drive in an acceptable fashion. Oh, and let’s not forget that it was always their fault, never mine. *wink, wink*

But what good did that do? My frustration at their driving would most likely turn into frustration about something else, and so on and so forth. Then it hit me. ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ What if we were to show people the same kindness that Jesus shows us. Not just when they are kind to us, but especially when they are not so kind.

One day, when it seemed like everyone was driving like they were smoking crack behind the wheel, I practiced loving them instead of cursing them. It was not easy. I had to call on Jesus more than a few times, but it worked. I wasn’t frustrated. I wasn’t angry and the best part is, once I got out of my car, I didn’t think any more about it. I was able to carry on with my day with a positive attitude. It felt great.

When we are able to practice loving each other in small situations like that, then we make room in our hearts to love each other when our loved ones make us angry, or frustrated, or when it seems they aren’t so lovable themselves. It is my personal opinion that while Jesus was on earth, he was the most betrayed person on just because people weren’t able to accept the truth, that He was the Son of God sent here to save humanity. But he still loved the same people who persecuted him and hung him on the cross.

Jesus said, “Father forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” -Luke 23:34a

He still continues to love those who persecute him and his followers. It is his love for me that saved me from suicide and eternal damnation. In John 14:17 Jesus says that his command is for us to love each other. He could have chosen any other thing for us to; fight each other, pray consistently, go to church every Sabbath. But he didn’t. His greatest command is for us to love each other. Could you imagine a world where everyone loved each other? It would be truly awesome.

In order to love each other, we must practice forgiveness. Ask the Lord to help you forgive anyone who has wronged you. This will accomplish 3 things:

  1. Heal your heart
  2. Please God
  3. Help you to move on

Forgiveness will not help you forget, but it will open up more opportunity for you to become blessed. Always remember that Jesus and bitterness cannot and will not coexist in the same heart. You have to choose one.

Thank you for reading my thoughts this beautiful morning. I pray that each and everyone is having a blessed day. It’s super cold here in St. Louis, so I’m going to bundle up with my favorite, Chai Tea and Gods Word. Love you all and please remember to pray for one another.

 

Restoration

Restoration

Good Morning Friends,

God is so wonderful, isn’t he? God does wonderful things in everyone lives, including yours. Even when it seems that everything is going wrong, God is right there beside you, guiding you with the Spirit that lives inside of you.

What Spirit you ask…The same Spirit that rose our Lord Jesus Christ from the dead to make us right with God (Rom. 4:25). Isn’t that powerful? Thank you, Jesus!

Sometimes it’s hard to see the blessings that are right in front of us because we may be distracted by what is going wrong in our lives. I am guilty of this and quite frankly, it’s frustrating as hell. But, when we know and acknowledge the love that God has for us, we are able to see our problems from a different perspective.

We like to blame God for our issues. We may see Him as cold, heartless, distant, or even cruel. My daughter told me that God is the reason why she is having a hard time in math. I’m going to tell you the same thing I told her…God is not at fault. The god of this world is at fault and his name is Satan. Since we live in a broken world, no one is perfect. So, we struggle with things and situations. Here is where God is awesome. Because He knows that we are not perfect (nor does He expect us to be) He has promised that He will be there for us and love us every step of the way towards RESTORATION and PEACE.

As of lately, the Holy Spirit has been pointing me in the direction of restoration and faith. I love when God answers prayers. It’s so cool! A while ago, I started praying that He speaks LOUD and CLEAR for me to hear. I become confused by His whispers because I doubt whether or not it’s Him speaking to me or my own will speaking to me. So, He has done just that.

For example, I’ve recently begun taking a precept class at my church that is now talking about faith and it is coinciding with my daily devotional of Walking In Freedom by Neil T. Anderson (which all Spirit lead, meaning, I didn’t know that these two studies would touch basis on such topics). Also, last night, I was able to attend my Overcomers support group that I haven’t been able to attend in months, and guess what? We were talking about restoration and faith.

At this point, God is not only speaking loud and clear, but he is slapping me in the face with it. By bringing restoration and faith to my attention, He is gently answering a prayer that I have been crying to Him about for so long. I was starting to wonder why He hasn’t been answering me, why He is leaving me stagnant. But He’s not, He hasn’t. He is speaking loud and clear saying, “Ashley, I am the God of restoration. Just have faith and hang in there.”

 God, your God, will restore everything you lost; he’ll have compassion on you; he’ll come back and pick up the pieces from all the places where you were scattered. -Deut. 30:3

How wonderful is our God! How glorious is His kindness and mercy! I am so proud to call myself His daughter and Jesus my brother. They love all of US so much.

If you are feeling like God is being distant, don’t! He is right next to you (Psalm 145:18). Remember, our feelings can betray and deceive us, just like the enemy. Don’t fall into Satans trap of deception. Understand and know the truth of Jesus and his promises:

  1. Whoever seeks God, they will find. Whoever knocks, it will be open to them. Whoever asks, will receive. All according to Gods will in the name of Jesus Christ (Matt. 7:7-11)
  2. Whoever trust Jesus will be able to not only do what he does, but they will be able to do more. Whatever we ask for in the name of Jesus will be done to glorify God our Father. (John 14:12-14)
  3. Jesus chose us to bear great fruit (love, joy, kindness, goodness, self-control, faithfulness, gentleness, peace, and forbearance) and that it shall remain. (John 15:16)

Thank you for reading God’s words today. I pray that everyone is having a wonderful start to their week. Please remember to pray for one another. Love you all and God bless you.

“[Jesus] was handed over to die because of our sins, and he was raised to life to make us right with God.” -Romans 4:25

Taking Thoughts Captive

Taking Thoughts Captive

Good Morning Friends,

I have been struggling lately. I have been struggling to find the time to do the things that I love; blogging and spending time with God. Sometimes I question, it is laziness or mental illness. There have been a few days where I do nothing but cry all day and other days where I do the bare minimum. I know that those are the symptoms of deep depression; the same symptoms that I experience at least once a month, so does that mean that I’m in denial?

When I go a period of time having really awesome days, I forget that I struggle with mental illness. I forget that one day, deep depression will come rushing back like a flood and try to destroy the hope that I have built up over the past few weeks. Even though it happens time and time again, I always feel thrown off and unprepared. Like, “wait, what? Why is this happening? Why am I so sad?” Then I have to claw my way out like a tiger trapped in a pit of sorrow and self-pity.

I’ve come to the realization that I have to push through and force myself to do the things that I love even though I may not “feel” like it. One thing that I have learned is that feelings lie to you. Feelings have the ability to make or break who you are and what you want to become. I will never become a successful writer if I only blogged when I felt like it. And even though I have a condition that makes it more difficult, I will not allow it to become a crutch nor an excuse for failure.

I see people using mental illness as a reason to feel sorry for themselves, for not accomplishing their goals, for being mean and disrespectful, or even falling back into harmful, risky behaviors. Mental illness is just like any other illness. Yes, it can cause limitations. Yes, it has the ability to delay goals and aspirations that you have set for yourself in life, but it is no different from any other illness that others face on a regular basis.

For those of us who struggle with mental illness, it does not define us or make us who we are. It’s just a challenge that we have and EVERYONE has a challenge that they have to face in life. It’s easy to feel sorry for ourselves and boo-who to and from the doctor’s office. It’s easy to allow the feelings of hopelessness to plague our minds and entertain the thoughts of suicide. I see so many of my brothers and sisters “talk” about how mental illness is ruining their life, but I see few talk about what they are doing to overcome it (besides taking medication).

How do we do that? How do we overcome the sad days and push through thoughts of suicide and hopelessness? The answer is right in front of us. BELIEVE IN JESUS AND HIS TRUTH!

I believe in Jesus’ truth because when I am doing well, when I am having good days, I believe that I am loved. I believe that life is worth living. I am able to look at up the clouds during the day and the stars at night and see the beauty of the universe. I am able to see how glorious it is to hear my children laughing and playing and causing all kinds of “kiddy hell” in their rooms. I can see that. But when the dark days come, I become wrapped in my own pity. I can only see how badly I’m hurting and how dark the world is.

Life isn’t about how dark the world is. The world has always been dark since the beginning of time, but there has always been beauty forged from the darkness; art, love, and redemption. You’ve had artist struggling with their own mental illness make history by painting, drawing, or singing about their pain. Lives have been changed for the better because of it.

Jesus is the truth. He is the way to true freedom (John 14:6). He is the light to get through the dark days. Darkness cannot outdo light. It’s virtually impossible. Allow Jesus into your heart and allow his light to shine through when those dark days come. When you don’t feel like doing what you love, press into Jesus who loves you! Take a breath and ask for strength to get through it because you know one day, you’re going to wake up and be able to see the beauty of life once again. That won’t be by chance or accident. It will be because of God’s mercy and love that he has for us.

Thank you for reading my thoughts today. Usually today I would post Funny Friday, but I had to get this off of my chest. Please remember to pray for one another. Love you all and God bless each and every one of you.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” -2 Timothy 1:7

Can I Get A Lil’ Bit Of That Anointing Oil, Please?

Can I Get A Lil’ Bit Of That Anointing Oil, Please?

Happy New Year, Beloveds!

Early yesterday morning after the ball dropped, I watched a movie with my little ones. I love spending time with my kids. I remember a time when it was hard to spend time with them. I was so convinced that they deserved a better mother, so I began to put a wedge between me and them. Now that I think about, my thinking was so warped. What a great example of how the enemy will use such tactics to get inside our heads to destroy our families and each other. Praise God that I decided to allow God to heal my heart, soul, and mind. Now my children not only have the mother that they need but the mother that they deserve.

After our movie, at around 3 a.m., we decided to anoint our home. I’m not sure how often we should do it, but I thought to start the New Year off, we should do it. Plus, my children have been complaining of nightmares so what great way to get rid of the evil spirits that are trying to plague the minds of my children.

There are so many benefits to anointing our homes and our families. Through the blood of Jesus and Psalm 91, we are PROMISED protection from every danger, which included but not limited to sickness, disease, assault, crime, tornadoes, fire and any other threat to your safety and well-being. But God’s protection is not automatic. There are things we have to do in order for God to be our refuge.

4 Steps to Anointing Your Home and Family

  • Obtain Olive Oil – I’ve been told that extra virgin cold-pressed olive oil is the best to use because of its purity, but I’m sure any olive oil will suffice. You can also grab anointing oil from your local religious and secular stores.
  • Pray over your oil – Some people believe that only a religious leader can anoint oil. I believe that we can do it ourselves as long as we have Christ living within us. We pray to Him about everything else, right? Here’s an example of the prayer that I used to pray over our olive oil:
    • In the name of Jesus, I set this oil apart to be holy anointing oil. Jesus, thank you for your sacrifice so that we can have complete healing and wholeness. This holy anointing oil speaks to the perfection of your finished work. I thank you that whatever this oil touches, the fullness of your grace, power, provision, and healing virtue will flow according to your living word. I pray that wherever this oil is applied, it will bring glory and praise to your name. Amen. 
  • Understanding Anointing Oil – Understand that the power of the oil is from God and God only. Anointing oil is a symbol of our faith, trusting that God will fulfill his promises of protecting us. And if you don’t know God is incapable of lying! He is a God of His word:
    • “God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?” -Number 23:19
    • Please know that without faith, anointed oil is useless. You must believe in the power of God and the authority that Christ has given you. *Remember, the same power that raised Christ from the dead is living inside of each and every one of us (Romans 8:11)*
  • Using Anointing Oil – There are many things that we can anoint; ourselves, our home, our children, our vehicles, our office, etc. When I anointed my home, my mentor told me to take the anointed oil, put a small amount on my finger (many people place it on their right thumb), and rub it around the entrance of each room while praying Psalm 91. Remove all objects that have evil roots attached to them; false idols and/or statues, evil masks, etc. If you are unsure, pray for God to reveal those items to you so you can throw them out. God revealed to my husband and I that a wooden table that was donated to us had evil spirits attached to it. Once we got rid of it and prayed over our home, you could tell the difference.
    • When anointing my family, I placed a small amount on my thumb, made a sign of the cross across the foreheads of my children and my husband and prayed Psalm 91.
    • If you are using anointing oil for healing, you can rub a small amount of oil across the damaged area of the body while praying for healing.
    • When I prayed Psalm 91, I made into personal prayer. God loves it when we repeat scripture back to him, especially when we pray His words. It not only glorifies him, but it also turns him into a blushing papa.

I pray that this helps you and your family start anew this year. Although I feel this should be done more often than once a year, at least we’re all starting off on the right foot. This year, I would like for whoever is reading is this to be free from the strongholds that Satan has on you and your loved ones. We must accept who we are in Christ and begin to see ourselves how our Abba Father sees us; more precious than anything in the universe, in order to do so.

I love you all and please remember to pray for one another. Don’t forget to hit the follow button to the right so you can receive email updates on new blog post. Oh and let me know in the comment section on how you anoint your home and other living spaces. Peace and love!

“Then he poured some of the anointing oil on Aaron’s head, anointing him and making him holy for his work.” -Leviticus 8:12

From Brokenness To Freedom

From Brokenness To Freedom

Hey Friends!

No time, no see. It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? I had to take a break to focus more on my family and Gods design for my life and it has been really exciting. First I would like to start off by saying that yes, this is an “End of the Year” post and no it won’t be super long, filled with everything that I have done in the past twelve months. Instead, I would like to focus on how far God has brought me in such a short amount of time.

Back in January 2018, I was such a frail, lost soul. So badly wanting to escape the horrors of my own existence (so I thought). I thought my life was supposed to be filled with cruelty and disappointment and that I was supposed to deal with it because of the terror that I caused in the past.

See this! Above you will see the “To Do” list of 2018. I was incapable of doing the simplest of task because my body and mind were so sick and tormented by the enemies lies. I allowed the enemy to convince me that I was past redemption. That God had forgotten about me and that He was terribly disappointed in me.

Let’s fast forward to now. God has answered every single one of my prayers and more. Even the ones that were in the back of my mind. The ones that “I thought” weren’t important enough to bring to His attention. He has done abundantly more than I can ever ask or imagine. He has placed wonderful people in my life to help me realize what it is I am supposed to be doing with my life; furthering His Kingdom, living a Christ-like life while raising my family, and serving his people in the process. He has also helped my break my bondage from the enemies lives so I can experience the fullness of Gods love withOUT condemnation.

I prayed for so long, “Jesus, replace my heart with your heart.” And he has done just that. The bitterness and malice that I held for people, GONE! The bondage of Satan, GONE! Unforgiveness, GONE! I have truly found my freedom in our Christ Jesus and what a wonderful feeling.

Yasss! Freedom!

During this process, I have made the enemy very upset. He has decided to throw curve ball after curve ball. He almost made me forget all of the hard work that I have put into finding my identity in Christ, but then Jesus showed up like always to remind me again by blessing me with an honorable task of serving his people, to keep the focus off of myself and onto to his children. Now, Satan has lost his grip on me.

So needless to say, 2018 has been a prosperous year. I’m not rich or famous and there are a lot of things that I could complain about, but I realize, God didn’t make me for that. God showed up and showed out in my life in other ways that will benefit me more in the long run. He proved to me that (which he didn’t have to) that with Him in my corner, all things are possible. I am not longer the frail dandelion that you see flapping the wind. I am a strong sunflower, standing tall in the sunlight with Jesus’ rays shining upon my face. I have shed a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to be here, but it has been worth it. As my mentor says, “To experience the full love of Christ comes with a price, but it is so worth it.” And I plan on doing it over and over again.

Happy New Year, Loved ones! May God be with you at this time in your lives. Please remember, it’s not God if it’s condemnation.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him. Lamentations 3: 22-24

My Identity

My Identity

Hey Friends,

My post has been far and few between because I am concentrating on developing my relationship with the Lord. I was beginning to feel like this blog was becoming my identity, but then as each day passed by, God was revealing that the plans that he has for my life will “accomplish infinitely more than we (me) might ask or think” (Ephesians 3:20).

I want my blog to be successful. I want to help people with my story of how I am overcoming mental and physical illness so it would inspire you to do it as well. But it says that His “mighty power at work within us” will help us to “infinitely accomplish” more than we could ever imagine for ourselves. Which means that I will accomplish more than developing a blog and helping people. He will use me to do so much more. I just have to keep my eye on the prize – focused on Him and His ways – and not allow the ways of the world to distract me.

It’s so easy to fall into that trap though, right? I mean, the world is constantly telling us what we have to look like, what we have to sound like, what college degrees we have to have, what friends we have to have in our circle, how many likes and comments we should have on our social media….it’s becoming more and more brutal by the day. Anxiety and depression are on the rise because, in my opinion, we are constantly comparing ourselves with “perfect” people online who seem to have everything. When in actuality they are as miserable as the person on the other side of the phone or tablet.

How are we suppose to know what our purpose is if we are constantly “following” other people? Sometimes I think we just poke around until we find something we like and do it. How are we supposed to gain any kind of individuality of we are always seeking approval from the world? We are losing sight of what is truly important, even if you have the right intentions of helping people. One of my favorite quotes is “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. I truly believe this quote because people are focused on what they are doing and not who they are doing it for; Jesus.

While finding my freedom from the world through Jesus Christ, I am finding things out about myself that I have been in complete denial about. I truly thought I was more self-aware than most people on earth. WRONG! I even prided myself in it.

If I could be completely honest, it is hard to peel back the onion of your life only to see that you have been a mindless zombie like the same people you said you would never become. There have been a lot of tears through this process but it is so worth it! Why? Because God will do exceedingly abundantly more in my life than I could have ever imagined and I’ve imagined some pretty cool stuff. But first, He has to strip away what I thought was right so He can renew my mind to what is actually right.

Have you ever tried to put tape on a dirty surface? You can’t. It’ll peel right off. You have to clean the surface first, then place the tape on there. That way, it’ll hold forever. Jesus has to do a deep clean in our lives before He can do His good work in us. That way, the good work He does will “stick” forever. Praise God!

My identity is not this blog or helping people. It’s not even in my husband or kids. It is in Christ because all of the above are wonderful gifts that he has blessed me with. And one day, the kids will have their own families, my husband has his own walk with God and this blog and/or helping people may not be what He is calling me to do 40 years from now. Our lives I meant to be lived like seasons; winter, spring, summer, and fall. But you know what will never change? The fact that I will always be His! I will always be a child of God. God will always love me and nothing will tear me from His love. I will always be a follower of Christ Jesus and that is where my identity lies.

Thank you for reading my thoughts and for sticking with me during this journey. If you are just now following my blog, thank you! If you have been around since the beginning, thank you! I am truly grateful for all of you, I love you, and please remember to pray for one another.

I…beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.” -Ephesians 4:1-3

 

 

**Featured image borrowed from google**