Yesterday was my husbands and I wedding anniversary. At first, it wasn’t on my mind because my kids and I were so busy getting acclimated to the new online school systems that were assigned to them. That in it self was enough work to keep my brain occupied from any feelings, let alone bad ones. We could have had a hurricane come through our neighborhood and I wouldn’t have noticed, we were so busy.
Anyway, after everything cooled down and I looked down at my phone, it hit me: April 20, 2020. “WOW! It’s our anniversary.” I’m unable to say what I felt because so many emotions began flooding in. The other day, I blogged about allowing yourself to feel your emotions in order to move past them, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t allow myself to feel everything that was happening in my heart. It was too overwhelming. So, I sat down and wrote what was on my mind. I honestly don’t think it makes any sense, but I would like to share it. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I will look back at this day, at this moment, and then, it will make sense. But for now, here it it.
Do you think about me?
I think about you.
I’m reminded by my ring finger that is tattooed.
I’m reminded when our son tells a joke,
One that you would’ve said in order to soak,
Up the stress and discomfort that weighed on our chest,
When life became a utter mess.
Thank you for being apart of all of our great memories,
That good, the bad, and the ugly.
I will never forget the joy that you brought,
During some of our most darkest days apart.
But I no longer can focus on what we used to have,
Yet instead I have to focus on my relationship with God.
It’s time to bid ado for now,
Maybe in the future we can say a proper goodbye,
Without the anger, accusation and nastiness that used to come along with it,
Because there used to be a time where this would’ve never been the case.
I have to give my heart to Jesus now,
He’s the only one that can help me so I will take a bow,
From all that I thought was right, pure, and loving,
And focus on my real true love,
Hint: I’m His Beloved.
Thank you for reading my thoughts today. Please remember to pray for one another. Love you all!
“When you pass through the waters, I (God) will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.” -Isaiah 43:2Parenthesis added