It’s Been a While…

Hello Friends,

It’s been a while since I’ve stared at this blank page wondering how to carefully place my thoughts in a way that could be understood. To be completely honest with you, I still don’t know how to do that. Somewhere along the way, I forgot how to express my feelings in a healthy way. Why? I’ve been asking myself that question for quite some time now. The only thing that I’ve known for sure is that I want to write. I don’t want to stop reaching out to people who are experiencing the same trials and tribulations that I am. I love to help people. It has always been in my nature, but how do I help others when I’m not sure how to help myself?

It has come to my attention that I have been neglecting myself. Not in an “I need to get a massage every once in a while” way, but in an “I’ve completely lost myself and not sure where to find her again” way. Realizing that you’ve completely abandoned yourself can be a shell shock experience. Everything that you thought and knew you loved could be a complete lie like you’ve been woken up from a dream. This realization can be the result of trauma like it was for me.

I’ve experienced a lot of devastation in my life, but my current situation has been a ball buster. It has resulted in a zombie-like presence in my existence that has deceived me into thinking I can’t live without what I thought was true and real. Only to realize with a lot of self-evaluation and God-seeking actions and prayer, that maybe this “shell-shock” was what I needed to zap me out of the trance I was in and self-neglect.

I am proud to announce that not only have a come up with what I would like to write about for my book, but I have actually started to write it! That is huge for me. I’ve always wanted to write a book, but goals always seem so far away when your attention is focused on other things and people around you. When we are left alone to put our priorities, our needs and wants into perspective, we may find ourselves having the will and motivation to complete projects and goals that we have longed to do.

Truthfully, it started to keep my mind off of the trauma circling my mind. I was tired of living in sadness and rejection, so I wanted to concentrate on what I could do and not what I’ve lost. Realizing that I can only control my own life has been a pivotal role in my recovery. Trauma can make you or break it. It could build you or tear you down. It can make you better or make you bitter.

There is a specific way I want my life to go; God’s will. Because God wants nothing but good for me, I’m choosing to believe that following Him is the only way to get my “good thing.” What I thought was good for me, turned out not to be. Doing things my way has caused more heartbreak, confusion, and damage to not only my life but my loved ones.

VWAQ VWAQ-1926B Know The Plans I Have for You, Jeremiah 29:11, Bible Wall Decal #2

I understand now that Jesus will take away the things or people that we want and replace them with the things that we deserve, or at least make those things or people better for not just our lives but for theirs.

Trauma is real. Trauma can be tragic when not carefully attended to, thus the reason for my long absence. Right now, I’m still not sure who I am completely, but I appreciate that I have the will and desire to want to know.

Thank you, God, for the revelations that You have given me these past few months. Thank you for revealing your undying love for me and the people around me. Jesus, so many of us are hurting, whether we know it or not, so I pray that you draw close to each and every one of us. Save us, Jesus, even if it’s from ourselves because you want what is best for us. We weren’t meant to live in turmoil, confusion, depression, and anxiety. Those are the enemies tactics. Yet, your Word says to look to you because you are the illuminating light in our darkness. Thank you, Father, for your grace, mercy, peace, and love.

Please remember to pray for one another.

Image result for jesus is the light in the darkness

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14 Comments Add yours

  1. Write, keep writing. Even if you don’t publish it here, keep writing. It can be incredibly healing. I’ve had lots of things in “draft” that never have and never will see the light of day. These, I wrote for me. It’s good to see you! ❤ Stay strong! ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Penny! Your words on encouragment are always a joy to read. I have to confess that I have a few projects that havnet been shared yet. And like you, i doubt of some of them will ever see the light of day.

      Like

  2. Glad to see you back. Yes, keep writing, even if you have no overarching theme. It’s the expression that counts.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for your encouraging words! Expression definitely counts.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. God is with you and I wish you the very best in that coming book💛

    And welcome back love!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! God bless you

      Like

  4. Child Of God says:

    I will say a prayer for you now sweetie!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my thoughts.

      Like

  5. calhouns2013 says:

    Glad to see you writing again. I’ve been to that dark place too. I prayed for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry to hear that you have been in a dark space as well, but God is faithful and He will be with us during the storm and happily bring us out of it. Thank you so much for reading words and taking the time out to comment. I pray you are doing better.

      Like

  6. Tina says:

    I’m sorry that you feel as if you’ve lost yourself. One of the most difficult things that I experienced in the last several years is not feeling like myself. Shock and trauma is very real. The only thing that has seen me through is asking for God’s help, and trusting Him to provide. I don’t feel 100 percent like myself because I am still struggling through this tough season, but I am definitely getting there one step at a time. You’ll get there too because you are depending on God. Thanks for sharing. It does help to know that there are others who understand what you are going through. Life can play rough, but God’s good at bringing the lost out of the dark.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind words and support. God had really been helping me during this difficult time, but its like scripture says, “…his grace and mercy is sufficient during our times of need.”

      Liked by 1 person

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