Motivational Spiritual Enlightenment Uncategorized

Sometimes We’re Not Who We Think We Are

Hey Friends,

A couple of weeks ago, I became aware that I am going through a manic episode. If you are new to my blog, please click here to read my journey of being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I.

On one hand, I’m really proud of myself for not going into complete denial mode but on the other hand, I’m frustrated that I cannot fulfill the wild urges that I’m having. I feel like a caged animal. But, I am aware that if I unleash the bipolar beast, all hell will break loose. Not just for me, but for my family. I’ve come a long way keeping this beast tamed, but every day I wake up, the more I want to release it.

Sometimes it’s hard not to focus on the things that are right in front of you. There are many times I feel as though I put too much emphasis on my illness, but then there are other times I feel as though I don’t put enough thought into it. When I don’t think about my illness, it is easy to be in denial. I begin having thoughts like, “Maybe this is all in my head. Maybe there is no such thing as mental illness. Maybe, just maybe, everyone else is crazy and I’m just living the life that I’m supposed to. Maybe, God made me this way for a reason and society is just trying to tame me to make themselves feel more comfortable.”

Recognizing manic episodes is important to me because I want to do something about it. I don’t want to sit in it. If I could speak bluntly, a lot of people who talk mental illness claim it like it’s apart of their identity. They say things like, “MY mental illness.” I used to do the same, but when you claim something long enough, then it does become apart of you. It’ll attach itself to you like a leach. You’ll become less of you and more of it.

Mental illness is a condition, it is not me. A part of controlling this condition is recognizing when it may be out of my control and understanding that it has the potential to be out of my control. The crazy thoughts above is an example of how my mind can take me down a rabbit hole of more self-doubt and less God.

This condition was birthed out of the womb of this broken world, but we were birthed from the love of God. When God came down from His kingdom, I imagine He got on His hands and knees, grabbed a large clump of wet dirt and began molding us into his perfect image (Ephesians 2:10, Genesis 1:26). Can you imagine God getting dirty just for us? Think about it. He created everything just by speaking it into existence, EXCEPT for us. For us, He got on His hands and knees to mold us, to make us exactly how He wanted us to be and took his wonderful breath and breathed it into us. Praise God. Sidenote: I imagine Gods breath smelled like cinnamon and mint. 🙂

But then Adam and Eve doubted Him and fell into Satans trap. Along with that trap came anger, fear, shame, guilt, and of course mental illness.

Mental illness is not who God made you to be, it is just a result of our broken world. So, decide right now to accept your flaws, but to also accept that God makes no mistakes and He is perfect (Psalm 18:30). Decide to not claim what this fallen world has thrown at you, but instead rejoice in knowing that a perfect God made you to be YOU! Take your addictions, your fears, you flaws, your guilt, your shame, your anger, and your despair to Him. He will comfort you, He will love on you, and He will bless you.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. This post was a long one, but the Holy Spirit needed someone to read this. Love you all and please remember to pray for one another.

He gives power to the weak and strength to the power. -Isaiah 40:29

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28 comments on “Sometimes We’re Not Who We Think We Are

  1. Erica Wagner

    Girllll this post is me!!! I love this, thank you for sharing! I can completely relate when I am manic. It’s relieving to know I am not alone.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Dear Friend Blogger, I forgot your name sorry, I am Bipolar 2 rapid so in a great part I understand. When I feel an :episod” coming not when I am already in one, I k God for help and try to be alone otherwise I take it on my husband because I can’te help myself and he is still learning how to deal with my illness.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Dear ASHLEY, I care! I forget thing sorry about the name .

    Liked by 2 people

  4. My God is so amazing! I know He led me to this post and would you believe that scripture you ended the posy with keep showing in my feeds today? I know He’s speaking to me through it! Lol and He also told me to comment under this post! Lol all Glory to King!
    Keeping you in my prayers always! God bless and strengthen you! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  5. A thoughtful penned write up
    Thank u for sharing👍🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Great, great encouraging post, Ashley. What a beautiful reminder of the absolute greatness of the God we serve. Thanks for sharing today

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Being on the autism spectrum, I feel you, very very strongly.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. You have such an excellent way of giving perspective. I’ve felt for a long time that if you claim a problem then it claims you back.

    But there’s something that I don’t understand . What is the difference between a manic episode and just being in a good mood?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Great question. A manic episode is like having beer goggles on. You may feel like you’re making great choices and that everything is great and happy, but essentially you feel like you’re “Superman” or “superwoman” that can take on any and everything. Also, it all depends on if you’re Bipolar I or II that determines how your your episodes go. You have so much energy you never sleep, you can become sexually promiscuous, and your spending habits can become excessive. Those are just a few symptoms. My next post will go into further explanation.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Great post Ashley! Prayers go up…love comes down. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Pingback: Motivation Monday: What is Mania To You? – Harotian Essentials

  11. Ashley, enjoyed how you make a point to not make Bipolar your identity. Jesus took every disease on his body so we can go free. It can be a process. This is one mountain to speak to in belief and see it cast into the sea. You are definitely an overcomer! xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Beautiful… God bless

    Liked by 1 person

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