mental illness Uncategorized

Well, At Least You’re Not…

Hello Friends,

I really try not to tell you guys “what to” and “what not to” do. I mean, we are all adults and I don’t want to come off as someone who knows it all. Plus, there are a lot of blogs who say, “do this or don’t do this” and they come across very condescending. So, personally, I like to share what has worked for me, hoping that while sharing my experience, I can give you an idea on how to deal with your situation…advice, if you will.

But this post is different. I will absolutely say with certainty that when are talking to someone with a mental illness, there are just some things that you should not say. Not only will it sound insensitive, but it may very well drive them over the edge.

One thing not to say to someone with a mental illness is, “Well, at least you’re not…” (followed by a tragic event happening in the world). For example, if I say, “I can’t deal with life anymore” and then you say, “Well at least you’re not facing deportation and having your kids taken by the government.”  Although this statement may be true, it does not mean it is appropriate.

Why you ask? Well because mental illness is more about the personal hell that the individual is living in their own mind and less about their circumstances. If you have been connected to social media, then you will know that there has been an increase in suicides from very rich, influential people. Well, I guess you can say that it’s not just recently because some of the richest, most popular people were known to be the most depressed; Michael Jackson, Marilyn Monroe, Whitney Houston, and now Anthony Bourdain, Kate Spade…either all died from suicide or drug overdoses.

Night time is the worst time of the day for me. When everything is silent, my thoughts are the loudest. If I am not asleep by 10 p.m. I become frustrated because then I know I will be extremely tired the next morning (whenever I fall asleep). And that alone is hard because my kids are early risers. So the more time that does by, the angrier I get, and the louder my thoughts get. Fear plays a large part in my insomnia because I fear for what awaits me in dreamland. My dreams have not been the best for the past few months. Honestly speaking, I’ve been having nightmares. To the point where I wake up screaming in my sleep.

My five year old woke me up with this afternoon because I was screaming while we tried to lie down for a nap. I have tried natural sleep aids, tea, tiring myself out during the day…nothing seems to work. My doctor prescribed Seroquel 50mg to help stabilize my mood, along with Depakote (yip-freaking-dee), fight depression, and help me sleep. But honestly, if I take one more pill for one more thing my head is going to explode. I am a freaking walking Walgreens. I’m sure in a 1,000 years after the apocalypse and they come across a sample of my feces, they’ll be shocked by the number of medication one person could have in their system. I’m sure my poop will be a living species of its own. Sheesh! It’ll be in a museum titled, “The 21st Century Creature Formed From Prescription Medication Epidemic”. Ugh!

I just want to scream, but then my kids are sleeping. So I’ll just let out a loud grunt, “GRRRRRRRRRR”.

Anyway, this is my personal hell. I may not have my kids being torn away from me, but it doesn’t make my struggle any less real or fragile than anyone else’s. So I don’t want to hear anyone’s crap. This is hard, dammit! I’m doing the best the I can with what I can. Take it or leave  take it.

Peace. Love. Happiness in Jesus.

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13 comments on “Well, At Least You’re Not…

  1. Oh I’m so sorry you fear sleep. I have realised over the past few months that many people dread going to sleep for different reasons. I have learnt to appreciate it more when I manage to get a good night. Have you tried putting an audio bible on, maybe the Psalms? There are some on YouTube where the voices are lovely. I must admit I did laugh at your comment about poop being filled with all manner of medications. I guess it helps to laugh at ourselves. But seriously, I do hope this problem of yours get sorted very soon. Have a blessed day.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry to hear this. I have you on my prayer list Ashley. I get what you’re saying. I’ve had my struggles with depression too. I had someone say to me, “It could be worse. You could be like those sick kids with cancer in the hospital.” I just said, “That doesn’t help. You’re strategy isn’t going to work. That’ll only make me feel worse.” When you’re deprressed you can’t control how you’re feeling. You may even start to beat yourself up for feeling the way you do, and when someone tells you that someone else is worse off it may even fuel your fire against yourself. I remember one friend though who got it right. She said, “Pain is pain.” She was a women who had some serious BIG pain, and yet she treated everyones struggles with great compassion. Pain IS pain. God bless you Ashley. Praying for you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My own Mother does the “ya know it could be worse”… And she’s a nurse. It makes me want to 😭😭😭😭😭😭. Like, would you go up to an amputee and say “Well, it could be wooooorrrrrsssseeee” ? No. Lol. Sorry, I get weird. Anyway, I spent many years zombied out on way too many meds only to find that none of them helped. I guess I would like you to know that I feel compassion towards you girl. Places like this are the only spots that I can really relate to others and that has to be enough for now.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Music Is Life: Hills and Valleys – Harotian Essentials

  5. Wow, very sorry that you are unable to obtain your sweet sleep that God has supplied for our bodies, you are in my prayers and I pray that God gives you beloveth sleep and nullify each nightmare of hell in Name of Jesus Christ Amen! Xxoo much love! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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